25: The motivational pep talk I didn’t know I needed (and maybe you need too)

I recently came across a quote by Dan Sullivan detailing his personal definition of hell:

One of my greatest fears is reaching the end of my life and being haunted by all the what ifs.

What if I had left Australia to see the world?

Up until the age of 24, all I wanted was to travel — to see new places, meet people, and experience cultures completely different from my own. But no one around me seemed to feel the same pull. So, I waited. I waited for a partner, a friend, someone to be ready to go with me.

That time never came.

So, during a Lion’s Gate workshop on August 8th, 2022, I booked a flight to New Zealand — leaving in two weeks time (the day after I would turn 25) — and travelled the South Island alone. It was the most liberating, life-changing experience I’ve ever had.

Since then, I’ve visited the Dominican Republic, New York, the UAE, Jordan, Egypt, London, and Bali. Slowly but surely, I’m seeing the world one country at a time because I refuse to reach the end of my life wondering:

What if I had travelled? What if I’d seen the world? What would I have learned, felt, and become?

What if I had invested my money into developing myself?

2020 changed everything for me — and not just because the world shut down.

My life was ruled by limiting beliefs. I could never hold onto money. I wasn’t the kindest partner because I subconsciously believed being “right” was more important than being understanding. I was run by perfectionism, people-pleasing, and low self-worth.

Until I invested my first $1,000 into personal development. A life transformation course to be specific. And transformative it was.

That one decision became a catalyst to investing in different mentors for different aspects of my life. I healed my relationship with money — now I save thousands each fortnight without even thinking about it. It led me to trauma healing work, where I dismantled my perfectionism, people-pleasing, and toxic relationship patterns. I attracted and now nurture the most loving, nourishing partnership I could ever have imagined.

I’ve since invested thousands each year to stay in rooms with women who inspire me to dream bigger — and who cheer me on as I take action that scares me but feels right.

That first $1,000 was the hardest. But it changed the entire trajectory of my life. I’ll never have to wonder, what if I’d invested in myself? Would I be happy now? Would I feel fulfilled? Because I already know.

What if I had fully committed to writing my book?

This is one of my current what ifs.

The one that’s been haunting me for sixteen years.

But I refuse to get to the end of my life wondering:

Where would I be if I had committed? Would my book be sitting on shelves across the world? Would my stories change people’s lives? Would my stories be the thing that reignites a person’s love for reading again?

What if I trusted my heart and intuition and started passing my knowledge of mindfulness on to other women?

My other current what if.

I have such a clear vision of where I see myself in five years — and I know I can’t reach that vision if I don’t take this leap.

How many women’s lives could I impact if I really gave this thing a go? Would I help them see themselves differently? Would I help them heal? Would I help them feel safe enough to dream again — to actually believe they’re worthy of more?

It’s a question that’s been whispering to me for months now… and I think I’m finally ready to stop wondering and start finding out.

There are 50 days left in 2025.

Fifty days left to back myself.

Fifty days left to finish my first draft — a New Years Eve resolution I have set year after year though 2025 has actually seen my continued dedication to achieving it.

Fifty days left to shed the people who are no longer an aligned match for me from my socials and start building a community and sharing what I know about personal development and mindfulness.

When I read Dan Sullivan’s definition of hell, it jolts me into action. It reminds me to press my foot to the accelerator. To refuse any reality where fear wins. I will not reach my last day thinking about all the opportunities I was too scared to seize. I refuse to meet the person I could have been.

I’ll leave this world knowing, with every atom in my body, that I really fucking tried. That I didn’t let a single dream pass me by without going for it full grit and determination. And I succeeded. I achieved everything that was meant for me and so much more.

The Big Dreams

I know the life I want — being a bestselling author, running two incredibly successful businesses (a writing and a life coaching business), becoming a seven-figure freelancer, hosting reading and writing retreats, marrying my honeybee (still trying to convince him to get married in Italy, though he’s really not going for it), being a present, loving carer to my partner’s children, and having such a positive experience birthing and raising children of my own.

I want to travel to Europe frequently, become a certified trauma healer, maintain a healthy and nutritious lifestyle with a regulated nervous system, live in a beautiful home that backs onto a lake where I have so much land to grow veggies and fruit, and constantly be in mentorship for life, business, and writing.

These are not small things. These are not desires that can be achieved overnight. They require hard fucking work. Ruthless fucking commitment. And I am ready to work my ass off — in a cute as fuck outfit that makes me feel hella good — to make them happen.

Epilogue

I need to swallow the excuses standing between me and my goals.

To stop letting the human thoughts that want to keep me small win.

Because I was not put on this earth to play small.

None of us were.

This piece ended up being one of motivation. It poured out of me like a journal entry, but it’s lit a fire I can’t ignore. I hope it does the same for you.

I refuse to experience Dan Sullivan’s definition of hell.

I refuse to meet the version of me I could have been —

Because I’ll already be her.

In fact, I already fucking am.

Renee Ella xx

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